A Weekend with Toy Boy

“This is the story of my wonderful long weekend with a toy boy. This story took place in Tanzania, I was there with a group. I was sitting in the front of a van which is kind of open, and I had fallen asleep. As the van stopped, I woke up and I saw coming towards me a fully grown, fully equipped bull elephant. And I thought, “This is where I die.” And here he came. He stopped right in front of the van, put his trunk through the window and he just had a real good feel on me. And that’s my toy boy.

Now let me tell you the toy boy’s story because that’s the real story. He was found almost as an infant. His mother had been killed by poachers for the tusks. He was more or less half dead when they found him. But they took him into the camp and took care of him, fed him on goat’s milk, and he got to be a big nice elephant. They didn’t quite know what to do with him, so they put him in a nursery with the small children and he was raised in the nursery. He got to be about 3 years old, he was like that, a bit big thing, and you know, 3-year-olds can be a bit hard to deal with. So that was when they decided that it was about time to try and release him back to the nature if they could. So they took him out to the herd that he had come from, but the herd didn’t accept him. So they were stuck with the toy boy.

He learned to count, he could count up to 10, you know, because he was raised with children in the school. And he became a member of the staff of this safari camp that he lived in. And he was very responsible. He would be there when the guests arrived, and he would take their luggage, and he would take them off to the little cabins that they were supposed to be in, and he was particularly interested in single women. Because, you know, he lost his mother. They were a couple of married women with my group, but he wasn’t interested in them at all. He was just like my friend. And he really took care of me. He was very kind, he made sure that I was awake every morning and he came knocking at my door and he made sure that I got to my breakfast all right. I just fell in love with toy boy.

Saturday night we were having a party down by the river and toy boy was my date. And have you ever tried to dance with a fully grown elephant? I was dancing with my toy boy, oh and that was great fun. He liked red wine, by the way. At the end of the party, I was taken home. And the next day we left. I was so sad, I was leaving my toy boy, I got in the van… He didn’t even care. He was done with me. Because there was another van coming, with another woman in it. Toy boy just rejected me.”